I feel guilty when I think about having it all

Q. One thing I'm a bit stuck on is the question how would I feel if I had all the things (be/do/have) that I wanted, and to watch if any negative feelings came up around that. Generally it felt awesome to imagine or 'see' where i wanted to be, do, have, but then when I stayed there for a bit longer I (at the beach with my soulmate and our children on the NSW north coast somewhere just frollicking on the weekend!), I suddenly felt very guilty and then looked around at other lonely people-a bit how I'm feeling now I suppose-and I felt extreme sympathy for them so that I couldn't enjoy what I had. So, why should I be able to have all that when they can't, or how can I just turn off to their hurt, pain, loneliness. I know that it doesn't help to 'join' with their lower vibration, but what about feeling the need to have others be ok so I can feel like it's ok for me to be blissfully happy as well. - Lisa, Australia

Dana's Response: Know that your example of happiness (in your vision and in your reality when your vision becomes real) serves to support other's visions. In seeing you be/do/have something it serves as an example that what you are doing is possible for them too. Anything and everything is possible for all beings, if they desire it from the space of their authentic being. When you are in a happy state you are in a much better position to then help others get to their happy state, whatever that means for them. I think one of the things that are feeling uncomfortable to you is the idea of being happy and selfish, or happy and self-centred in a non-caring way, but that is not what you have to be. You can be happy and giving and considerate and caring of others, compassionate and empathetic. It is all in the way that you are what you are!
Some good questions to ponder are: 1) In your vision you are feeling that the other 'lonely' people can't enjoy what you are having. This is indicating that there is some part of you that feels this way ie when you see people living your ideal 'dream', there is some 'lonely' part of you feeling you can't have that. Thus your lens of perception is coloured by that part when looking at others. Explore that part of you. Why do you feel you can't have it? When we see others living 'our dream' we can allow it to bring up all our 'stuff' - eg jealousy, resentment, loneliness, hurt, 'i can't do that/have that' - OR we can use it to inspire us: if it is possible for them, it is possible for me too! 2) Why do you associate being blissfully happy with turning off to the pain of others? We can be happy and have plenty of energy also for empathy, for compassion, for reaching out to others. Perhaps you have known those who are happy and in their own little world, but then there are those who are unhappy and in their own little world. A lot of us have these kinds of associations inside us eg having money means not caring about poor people or working 20 hours a day or not having enough time for family, but not all of these are true for every person with money. You want to create new associations in your mind, and thus release any old associations you have inside you that are likewise not necessarily true eg to truly be happy you have to turn off to any unhappiness around you or try to 'change' the unhappiness of others so that you can feel better about being happy. This leads to 3) Some part of you feels you need others around you to feel and be okay before you can feel and be okay. We can never, ever, ever, control how others feel. Ever. If we decide to make the happiness of others our 'okay' stick by which we then allow ourselves to be happy, we will certainly have a pretty unhappy life. We tend to have this pattern as a result of a rough childhood where we learned things like 'If I'm quiet enough/good enough then mum/dad won't be upset and they won't yell at each other/at me and I'll be okay'. This was our coping mechanism because we couldn't very well pack our bags and leave, but now as adults we can do two things. We can decide on the kind of inner environment we most enjoy being in, and we can decide on the kind of outer environment we most enjoy being in. While we can't change the mood of others, we can choose who we associate with, and make a conscious choice that we predominantly associate with happy, positive people. This isn't to say ignore your friend when she's having a sad day! Rather, there is a difference between positive people who go through the normal ups and downs of life, and negative people who more often than not are constantly saying or doing things that make you feel bad about yourself. When you were younger did you find yourself shifting your behaviour and emotions around a lot depending on what was going on around you, particularly with your parents? While this is normal for children, in extreme cases where there is a lot of tension in the home or other kinds of difficult circumstances, we forget to live from our authentic core inside, and are bopping around like a bouncing doll in reaction to what those around us do or don't do. Working on solar plexus/power related issues helps this.

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