Q. One thing I'm a bit stuck on is the question how would I feel if I had all the things (be/do/have) that I wanted, and to watch if any negative feelings came up around that. Generally it felt awesome to imagine or 'see' where i wanted to be, do, have, but then when I stayed there for a bit longer I (at the beach with my soulmate and our children on the NSW north coast somewhere just frollicking on the weekend!), I suddenly felt very guilty and then looked around at other lonely people-a bit how I'm feeling now I suppose-and I felt extreme sympathy for them so that I couldn't enjoy what I had. So, why should I be able to have all that when they can't, or how can I just turn off to their hurt, pain, loneliness. I know that it doesn't help to 'join' with their lower vibration, but what about feeling the need to have others be ok so I can feel like it's ok for me to be blissfully happy as well. - Lisa, Australia
Dana's Response: Know that your example of happiness (in your vision and in your reality when your vision becomes real) serves to support other's visions. In seeing you be/do/have something it serves as an example that what you are doing is possible for them too. Anything and everything is possible for all beings, if they desire it from the space of their authentic being. When you are in a happy state you are in a much better position to then help others get to their happy state, whatever that means for them. I think one of the things that are feeling uncomfortable to you is the idea of being happy and selfish, or happy and self-centred in a non-caring way, but that is not what you have to be. You can be happy and giving and considerate and caring of others, compassionate and empathetic. It is all in the way that you are what you are!
Some good questions to ponder are: 1) In your vision you are feeling that the other 'lonely' people can't enjoy what you are having. This is indicating that there is some part of you that feels this way ie when you see people living your ideal 'dream', there is some 'lonely' part of you feeling you can't have that. Thus your lens of perception is coloured by that part when looking at others. Explore that part of you. Why do you feel you can't have it? When we see others living 'our dream' we can allow it to bring up all our 'stuff' - eg jealousy, resentment, loneliness, hurt, 'i can't do that/have that' - OR we can use it to inspire us: if it is possible for them, it is possible for me too! 2) Why do you associate being blissfully happy with turning off to the pain of others? We can be happy and have plenty of energy also for empathy, for compassion, for reaching out to others. Perhaps you have known those who are happy and in their own little world, but then there are those who are unhappy and in their own little world. A lot of us have these kinds of associations inside us eg having money means not caring about poor people or working 20 hours a day or not having enough time for family, but not all of these are true for every person with money. You want to create new associations in your mind, and thus release any old associations you have inside you that are likewise not necessarily true eg to truly be happy you have to turn off to any unhappiness around you or try to 'change' the unhappiness of others so that you can feel better about being happy. This leads to 3) Some part of you feels you need others around you to feel and be okay before you can feel and be okay. We can never, ever, ever, control how others feel. Ever. If we decide to make the happiness of others our 'okay' stick by which we then allow ourselves to be happy, we will certainly have a pretty unhappy life. We tend to have this pattern as a result of a rough childhood where we learned things like 'If I'm quiet enough/good enough then mum/dad won't be upset and they won't yell at each other/at me and I'll be okay'. This was our coping mechanism because we couldn't very well pack our bags and leave, but now as adults we can do two things. We can decide on the kind of inner environment we most enjoy being in, and we can decide on the kind of outer environment we most enjoy being in. While we can't change the mood of others, we can choose who we associate with, and make a conscious choice that we predominantly associate with happy, positive people. This isn't to say ignore your friend when she's having a sad day! Rather, there is a difference between positive people who go through the normal ups and downs of life, and negative people who more often than not are constantly saying or doing things that make you feel bad about yourself. When you were younger did you find yourself shifting your behaviour and emotions around a lot depending on what was going on around you, particularly with your parents? While this is normal for children, in extreme cases where there is a lot of tension in the home or other kinds of difficult circumstances, we forget to live from our authentic core inside, and are bopping around like a bouncing doll in reaction to what those around us do or don't do. Working on solar plexus/power related issues helps this.
www.danamrkich.com
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I have a block around age
Q - I seem to have a real block in my belief system around 'age'. I have a real block around this because I feel that I, at age 26, somehow don't or can't create success because I'm not young enough, I don't have 'permission'. I remember feeling like this when I was 19! My guides tell me it is not an age issue but that I am comparing myself to others issue. - Holly, Australia
Dana's response - So many people have this 'I'm too old/I'm not young enough' issue, and it doesn't matter if you are 19, 26, 40 or 67! Our critical voice inside uses any number of things to tell us why we can't do this or that, or berates us about why we haven't yet done something, or compares us to others in a negative way. There are lots of external societal factors that influence this, as well as cellular/ancestral DNA factors, however ultimately you have two choices: to keep listening to this critical voice, or to know you have a choice to ignore it! You don't have to listen to this voice, let alone believe it. It's time for a tough love question: Who runs the show that is your life? Your critical voice (run by your ego) or your authentic self? You have to choose, otherwise you will live a constant tug o war battle between the two, and spend the rest of your life feeling you are not young enough/good enough/successful enough/anything enough. The critical ego voice will always find a way to make you feel 'wrong' and one day you have to decide you are going to stand up for yourself from now on and put that voice in its place. It is a daily thing at first, to notice when this critical voice pipes in with his or her two cents worth. You have to be vigilant and find a way to automatically switch to a more positive thought or feeling when you notice this voice. Eventually your authentic voice will become the more dominant one. It takes time and practice, but the alternative is to keep living under the thumb (and limitations) of your ego self, and you well know the physical, mental and emotional consequences of that - it doesn't feel good!
www.danamrkich.com
Dana's response - So many people have this 'I'm too old/I'm not young enough' issue, and it doesn't matter if you are 19, 26, 40 or 67! Our critical voice inside uses any number of things to tell us why we can't do this or that, or berates us about why we haven't yet done something, or compares us to others in a negative way. There are lots of external societal factors that influence this, as well as cellular/ancestral DNA factors, however ultimately you have two choices: to keep listening to this critical voice, or to know you have a choice to ignore it! You don't have to listen to this voice, let alone believe it. It's time for a tough love question: Who runs the show that is your life? Your critical voice (run by your ego) or your authentic self? You have to choose, otherwise you will live a constant tug o war battle between the two, and spend the rest of your life feeling you are not young enough/good enough/successful enough/anything enough. The critical ego voice will always find a way to make you feel 'wrong' and one day you have to decide you are going to stand up for yourself from now on and put that voice in its place. It is a daily thing at first, to notice when this critical voice pipes in with his or her two cents worth. You have to be vigilant and find a way to automatically switch to a more positive thought or feeling when you notice this voice. Eventually your authentic voice will become the more dominant one. It takes time and practice, but the alternative is to keep living under the thumb (and limitations) of your ego self, and you well know the physical, mental and emotional consequences of that - it doesn't feel good!
www.danamrkich.com
How do I fit all my practices into my daily routine?
Q - One of my biggest problems is there are so many practices I feel I should be doing each day that I have never gotten into a routine that fits them all in, so I end up doing hardly any. I am wondering if you have any suggestions or routines that you find have worked for you over the years? - Amber, Australia
Dana's response: I would definitely suggest starting with one thing at a time. For years I had an ideal of my perfect morning routine and was never able to accomplish it all. For me, it has been a gradual process of slowly adding things. I have journalled since I was 11, so that was easy. I eventually got into a work out routine I enjoyed. It took until I was nearly 36 to get into a daily 15 min meditation. I do all those things most mornings in between shower and breakfast, before I do anything else. At night before I go to sleep I give thanks for everything that happened that day and say some prayers for anyone I know who is going through something challenging. Life is always changing, and there are times when the routine doesn't happen due to location or other circumstance. It is important to be flexible with yourself and relaxed with the ideal of sticking to a routine. It's like the difference between creating a healthy lifestyle where you have the odd piece of chocolate cake, or rigorously dieting then getting angry with yourself just because you skipped a day and end up eating the whole cake out of frustration. Rigid rules imposed on the self will never work because the self loves freedom, so all your practices have to be ones you genuinely feel to do and want to do, not ones you feel you 'should' do. Pick one thing that you genuinely are really yearning to have as your daily routine and go from there.
www.danamrkich.com
Dana's response: I would definitely suggest starting with one thing at a time. For years I had an ideal of my perfect morning routine and was never able to accomplish it all. For me, it has been a gradual process of slowly adding things. I have journalled since I was 11, so that was easy. I eventually got into a work out routine I enjoyed. It took until I was nearly 36 to get into a daily 15 min meditation. I do all those things most mornings in between shower and breakfast, before I do anything else. At night before I go to sleep I give thanks for everything that happened that day and say some prayers for anyone I know who is going through something challenging. Life is always changing, and there are times when the routine doesn't happen due to location or other circumstance. It is important to be flexible with yourself and relaxed with the ideal of sticking to a routine. It's like the difference between creating a healthy lifestyle where you have the odd piece of chocolate cake, or rigorously dieting then getting angry with yourself just because you skipped a day and end up eating the whole cake out of frustration. Rigid rules imposed on the self will never work because the self loves freedom, so all your practices have to be ones you genuinely feel to do and want to do, not ones you feel you 'should' do. Pick one thing that you genuinely are really yearning to have as your daily routine and go from there.
www.danamrkich.com
How long to spend visualising desires a day?
Q - How long do you suggest we spend each day just visualising our desires? - Bethany, Australia
Dana's response: I spend about 1 minute either during my morning meditation or when I stop at the beach during my morning walk, giving thanks for every life area eg health, relationships, work, finances, my home, travels etc. If there is any particular thing I am wanting to move more toward be it the publishing of my new book or a trip to a certain place, I give thanks for that too as I'm covering that life area. I have written 'what I want to manifest' lists as long as I can remember, usually at the beginning of every year. It doesn't mean that what I've wanted has happened in that year, but consistently having a vision of what I would like in my life has definitely steered my energy toward the fulfilment of those visions over time, most often in ways I never imagined or could possibly have orchestrated consciously.
www.danamrkich.com
Dana's response: I spend about 1 minute either during my morning meditation or when I stop at the beach during my morning walk, giving thanks for every life area eg health, relationships, work, finances, my home, travels etc. If there is any particular thing I am wanting to move more toward be it the publishing of my new book or a trip to a certain place, I give thanks for that too as I'm covering that life area. I have written 'what I want to manifest' lists as long as I can remember, usually at the beginning of every year. It doesn't mean that what I've wanted has happened in that year, but consistently having a vision of what I would like in my life has definitely steered my energy toward the fulfilment of those visions over time, most often in ways I never imagined or could possibly have orchestrated consciously.
www.danamrkich.com
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